Ötzi was discovered in the Ötztal Alps near the border of Austria and Italy in 1991. The two people who discovered him alerted authorities who butchered him out of a glacier after believing he was just an unfortunate lost wanderer. He was, but this was no recent poor bastard. He was Ötzi, Europe's most well preserved mummy, dating back to 3300 B.C.
Ötzi was 5'5", 110 lbs, and about 45 years old at the time of his death. He died on a full belly but had an intestinal parasite, known as whipworm. He had lots of cavities and was lactose intolerant. Having a couple of tats myself, I thought it was interesting that Ötzi had markings resembling tattoos, various vertical lines and crosses, inked by charcoal. They are suspected to be there for pain relief treatments, as they are tatted along specific pressure points of his body. If this is the case, he is the oldest evidence of a human with tattoos by 2,000 years. \m/
He had intact blood cells due to his outstanding preservation in the ice, the oldest ever identified, and was fully clothed with various tools on his person. His current internet death certificate says "exsanguination," which translates to blood loss (from an arrow wound).
The artistic rendering of Ötzi pre-exsanguination is even scarier than Ötzi in his current form:
Yikes, what the hell? This looks like the guy bumming for change and cigarettes outside Kenmore station.
There is something innocent about Ötzi. Maybe it's his slightly crossed feet that makes him appear bashful to me, or that his arms extend sideways in the most awkward way that you can't help but think, 'Awwwwww:( poor dude.' Whatever it is, I luf him (pre-artistic rendering).