Thursday, August 8, 2013

America's Game of Thrones




Tyrion Lannister as Bill Gates. Gates is a brilliant businessman and philanthropist. And let's face it, Tyrion will probably own everyone at some point.





Tywin Lannister as Andrew Johnson. Known as among the worst of United States presidents, Johnson strongly opposed the rights of African Americans. Johnson's "pride of opinion, his desire to beat, blinded to the real welfare of the South and of the whole country."






Jaime Lannister as Robert E Lee. Robert E. Lee is best known for commanding the Confederate army during the American Civil War. Brilliant military officer, but for the wrong team. And Jaime would have been my first choice in a game of dodgeball (pre-hand cut off).






Cersei Lannister as Charles Manson. Because he's a sociopath. And she's a sociopath. They might have made a decent couple actually.







Robert Baratheon as Elvis Presley. Considered the "King of Rock n' Roll," Presley's highly successful career fizzled out and ended with a prescription drug addiction.







Gendry as Henry Ford. Ford left home at age 16 for a machinist apprenticeship in Detroit and soon became an industrial tycoon that manufactured the automobile in a way that America's middle class could afford.




Joffrey Baratheon as Senator Joseph Raymond McCarthy. Senator of Wisconsin through the late 1940's and 50's, McCarthy has been described as 'America's Hitler.' He was able to whip people into hysteria by accusing his opponents of communism and homosexuality. Described as the "single most despised man in American political memory," McCarthy "knew how to humiliate vulnerable, scared people."





Margaery Tyrell as Elizabeth Cady Stanton. Stanton fought for social reform and women's right to vote. She was also an advocate for divorce and birth control, something Margaery needs to pick up QUICK.







Eddard Stark as John Quincy Adams. Adams negotiated many international treaties and is regarded as one of the United State's greatest diplomats and secretaries of state.





Catelyn Stark as Eleanor Roosevelt. Called the "First Lady of the World," Roosevelt is the longest serving Fist Lady. She was controversial for her outspokenness on civil rights, women's rights, WWII refugee rights, and would often publicly disagree with her husband's policies.





Robb Stark as George Marshall. Marshall organized the largest military expansion in the American effort during WWII.








Theon Greyjoy as Benedict Arnold V. Arnold was a general during the Revolutionary War but he was a big fat traitor and defected to the British Army where he became a brigadier general.





Bran Stark as Franklin D. Roosevelt. After contracting polio, which paralyzed him from the waist down, Roosevelt persevered and helped rejuvenate America's national spirit during the mid 20th century.









Arya Stark as Susan B. Anthony. Anthony was America's champion of women's equality under the law.









Sansa Stark as Pocahontas. Daughter of an Indian chief, Pocahontas was captured by the English and held for ransom in Jamestown. After being released, she chose to remain in Jamestown and adapt to a more civilized way of life.





Shae as Phyllis Wheatley. A slave of a wealthy Boston family, Wheatley was given an unprecedented education by her masters. She used her education to become a highly regarded American poet and was eventually emancipated.





Brienne Tarth as Sacagawea. Sacagawea accompanied the Lewis and Clark expedition as an interpreter and guide. As a Native American woman, she held her own with the guys.






Jon Snow as Benjamin Franklin. After fleeing from an apprenticeship without permission, Franklin became a fugitive as a young man. He came from a working class family and instead of following in his family's footsteps, he paved his own way to greatness and became a Founding Father of the United States.





Ygritte as Amelia Earhart. Earhart was a flying machine and the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean and across the North American continent and back. Also a champion of women's rights,  Earhart believed both a man and woman should be "breadwinners."




Samwell Tarly as Abe Lincoln. Lincoln led the United States through its bloodiest war ever. After the Civil War, slavery was abolished and the American government and economy were stimulated. Lincoln is regarded by many as the #1 most influential person in American history. Now, this is my biggest gamble on this list. Game of Thrones has said before that the White Walkers are the biggest threat to all of Westeros. And little Sammy found their weakness by the dragonglass thingy. What if Sam has unknowingly saved all of Westeros in the future? Lincoln: Savior of America, Samwell: Savior of Westeros, ya dig? I'm probably wrong





Daenerys Targaryen as John Adams. John Adams was a leading advocate of American independence. And Daenerys has a pair of figurative balls, I'm sure.






Jorah Mormont as Ulysses S. Grant. Grant was the general Abraham Lincoln needed for the Union  army during the Civil War.






Khal Drogo as George W Bush. Because I can't understand the words that are coming out of their mouths.






Petyr Baelish as Richard Nixon. Nixon was a lover of diplomatic relations and an advocate for positive policy reforms. He was a smart man with a side of scandals, schemes and slime.






Varys as Nathan Hale. Hale was a soldier and spy for the Continental Army. He is famous for his alleged last words, "I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country," as he was caught and hanged by the British.





Stannis Baratheon as William Stoughton. Stoughton was the colonial magistrate in charge of the Salem Witch Trials. Stoughton accepted spectral evidence during the trials (he-said/she-said evidence) which allowed allegations to determine whether a woman was a witch or not.






Melisandre as Mary Baker Eddy. Eddy was the founder of Christian Science, which promised spiritual healing to all.





Sandor Clegane (The Hound) as Wyatt Earp. As a sheriff, miner, buffalo hunter, bouncer for a pimp, gambler and boxing referee, Earp moved from town to town throughout his life. He had a reputation as a fearless lawman who despite his exciting lifestyle, was never wounded.

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